Have you ever noticed how much time, effort, and even money we spend protecting the things that are valuable to us?
We spend large sums of money on life, car, home, and health insurance
We lock up our homes, our vehicles, and our places of employment
We invest in cameras, security systems, and monitoring software
We keep valuable data safe behind passwords and passcodes
We pay extra for warranties and extended protection plans
We childproof our homes to keep our kids away from danger
You see, there are countless things we do each day to safeguard the things that are most valuable to us. We engage in these everyday habits for a reason! We know this world abounds with many threats, and the things we love so dearly need our protection. But here’s a question we need to consider: if we go to such lengths for our cars, possessions, and finances, shouldn’t we also take steps to guard something as precious as our marriage?
The Danger of Adultery
Adultery is a real-world danger that threatens marriages. This destructive force is known by many names such as cheating, two-timing, fornication, adultery, and even having an affair. Adultery often begins subtly, and it can be lasting or short-lived. But it’s always the height of betrayal. Affairs destroy trust, shatter hearts, and cause indescribable trauma. The terrible impacts of adultery are deep and lasting in any relationship—physically, emotionally, relationally, and even spiritually. According to the Scriptures, impenitent adultery will keep us out of heaven (1 Corinthians 6:9-20).
Unfortunately, the devastation of cheating is felt in far too many relationships. The current statistics reveal just how widespread this sin is in our world.
About 20-25% of married men and 10-15% of married women report cheating on their spouse at some point. Additionally, the rates of infidelity tend to rise with age, peaking in the 50-60s for men and 40-50s for women.
(Source: General Social Survey, 2022)Furthermore, around 45% of men and 35% of women in committed relationships admit to having an emotional affair. Emotional affairs are deep and intimate connections with someone outside of your marriage that cross the boundaries of emotional loyalty. They damage marriages too, and they are often a precursor to a physical affair.
(Source: American Association of Family Therapy)On top of these stats, adultery is often a leading factor in divorce. One study even found that 59.6% of divorced individuals cited infidelity or extramarital affairs as a major reason for their divorce. Also, 88.8% of couples had at least one partner report infidelity as a contributing factor to their divorce.
(Source: The Journal of Divorce & Remarriage by Scott, Rhoades, Stanley, Allen, and Markman, 2014)
These disturbing findings highlight the significant impact that infidelity can have on any marriage, and they reveal the prevalence of this behavior. These stats underscore the importance of preventing such issues in our marriages. We need to know the damage caused by adultery, and the impact of this sin is truly great.
The Damage of Adultery
The apostle Paul once said, “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life” (Galatians 6:7-8). Any action—whether positive or negative—will inevitably result in consequences. We will always reap what we sow, and to think otherwise is a mockery of God! The consequences of having an affair are devastating. Committing adultery is like setting your house on fire and standing in the blaze. The effects of your actions will hurt everything you love, and you will get burned in the process.
Cheating will destroy trust that’s going to be very hard to rebuild. It’s going to inflict emotional trauma on your spouse such as grief, anger, anxiety, depression, shame, guilt, and even confusion. Deep and meaningful conversations with your spouse will be replaced with distance, silence, and even arguments. Your children will sense the conflict, even if it’s not openly discussed. Your affair will rob them of their sense of security and emotional well-being, and it can potentially warp their view of marriage. If your unfaithfulness leads to a divorce, you will also face the financial and legal impact of your actions. Settlements, alimony, divided assets, and legal battles are the results of cheating. On top of this, adultery is a violation of God’s moral law, and it creates division, guilt, shame, and spiritual death.
Truly, the time to think about the devastation of adultery is before an extramarital relationship even begins—before the text messages, before the flirting, before the hidden meetups! The pain caused by affairs is almost incomprehensible. Thankfully, there are several steps we can take to safeguard ourselves and our marriages from this terrible and destructive sin.
The Defense Against Adultery
To have a strong and happy marriage, we should do everything within our power to affair proof our relationship. The good news is there are many practical guardrails we can put in place to help us avoid affairs in our marriages. Here are a few:
Prioritize your marriage every day. Spend time actually investing in your relationship. Communicate, go on dates, be affectionate, and feed your sexual relationship. Work at actively knowing and meeting your spouse’s needs each day. Unspoken frustrations can fuel the fires of adultery.
Set clear boundaries with the opposite sex. Avoid one-on-one private meetings, car rides, texts, or social media chats, with someone of the opposite sex. Determine to never act flirty or romantically playful with someone who isn’t your spouse. A good practice is to always think: would I be uncomfortable if my spouse saw this?
Be honest and transparent. Do everything you can to create a relationship of openness and trustworthiness with your spouse. Share passwords, calendars, and bank accounts with your spouse. Talk about unspoken frustrations and unmet needs. Address issues early and respectfully. Transparency builds trust and keeps secrets from hiding in the darkness.
Guard your thoughts. Remember, affairs always start in the heart before they go physical (Matthew 5:27-30). Don’t feed fantasies about people who aren’t your spouse. Don’t allow lust and sexual tension to build in your mind. Be careful with what you read, watch, and view online. “Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).
Don’t confide deeply in someone of the opposite sex. If you are feeling emotionally vulnerable, don’t talk about it with someone who is a potential temptation. Avoid talking about your sex life, marriage problems, or private matters with someone who isn't your spouse, counselor, or same-sex friend.
Surround yourself with godly accountability. Be active and faithful in your local church. Make sure you and your spouse are actively feeding your relationship with God and strengthening your spiritual lives. Building your relationship on God and his word helps your hearts to stay aligned.
Conclusion
In closing, adultery is not just a moment of weakness—it’s a devastating breach of trust that’s absolutely going to cause damage and leave scars. The statistics and Scriptures both warn us that the path of unfaithfulness is not one we want to take. It’s a path that will always lead to shame, regret, and deep loss. But there is also hope and power in guarding your marriage with love, accountability, and purity. When we honor our vows and pursue our spouse with passion, we reap the great rewards of peace, joy, and a lasting legacy. So protect your marriage. Protect your marriage like a treasure of great value. Affair proof your marriage. You will be blessed, your family will be blessed, and Christ will be magnified by your love and faithfulness.