4 Things David and Jonathan Can Teach Us About Friendship
4 Things David and Jonathan Can Teach Us About Friendship
A Few Lessons From Two Friends Who Loved God And Each Other
Have you ever studied the friendship of David and Jonathan?
Their friendship is one of the most beautiful and surprising examples of brotherly love in the Scriptures. Jonathan grew up in the palace where he was trained in the art of war; David grew up in the little town of Bethlehem where he served as a shepherd. Jonathan had his own armor and weapons; David was only equipped with a harp and a slingshot. Jonathan was the oldest son in his father’s house; David was the youngest son in his father’s house. Aside from those glaring differences, Jonathan was next in line to become king of Israel. However, God selected David to be the next king. Despite their many differences, though, the two men formed a strong bond of love, support, and friendship. God’s word says, “The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul” (1 Samuel 18:1 ESV).
There are many important takeaways we can pull from their friendship. Let’s notice four lessons we can learn from their bond. Perhaps these observations can help us as we seek to build stronger, healthier, more Christ-honoring friendships too.
Their friendship shared a common faith.
According to 1 Samuel 18:1, Jonathan and David’s friendship began to blossom after David spoke to Saul about killing Goliath (see 1 Samuel 17:55-58). It seems likely that Jonathan had already come in contact with David before. After all, David had been around the palace playing his harp for Saul. Yet the Scriptures are clear that David’s conversation with Saul is what prompted the start of their friendship. Although we aren’t told everything David said to Saul in that conversation, I believe we can safely assume he told the king about God’s power and might. David likely explained to the king that God accomplished this great victory through him. This leads me to believe that this conversation helped Jonathan better see David’s relationship with the Lord. Jonathan possessed a great love for God and commitment to God’s will, and he saw this same love and commitment in the heart of David. They shared a common relationship with God, and this faith brought them together as one. This is the kind of friend we need too! We need friends who share our faith, commitment, and love for God, people who can inspire us to grow together in our relationship with the Lord.
Their friendship wasn’t hindered by jealousy.
If anyone had a reason to be envious of David, that person was certainly Jonathan. Up to this point in the narrative, David is largely known for killing the Philistine giant named Goliath. Before that happened, though, Jonathan and his armor bearer alone killed 20 Philistines. This caused a panic where the Philistine army began “melting away in all directions”, allowing Saul and his men to win a great victory (see 1 Samuel 14:14-16). However, we don’t find Jonathan sulking, whining, or pouting when people started to sing David’s praises. We never find him touting his accomplishments, achievements, or accolades. Jonathan never asked, “What about my victories?!’” Furthermore, Jonathan was the rightful heir to his father’s throne! However, we never find him holding onto his status as prince or being envious because God chose David to be the next king. Conversely, Jonathan once told David, “You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you” (1 Samuel 23:17 NIV). People generally don’t like being second, but Jonathan was more than happy for David to be first. Jonathan was an others-focused friend, and if we learn to put away jealousy, pride, and competition, we will be better friends too!
Their friendship was marked by trust.
The Bible says, “Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt“ (1 Samuel 18:3-4 ESV). Jonathan knew David was God’s choice to be king, and he humbly accepted God’s plan. To demonstrate his commitment to God’s plan, Jonathan gave David his armor, sword, and princely robe. These actions were a symbol that Jonathan was willing to forego his right as the prince for David to become God’s king. However, I also see Jonathan’s deep trust in David in these actions. David was going to be king, and most men in that position would desire to remove all threats to their throne. Many men would have put Jonathan to death to prevent him from rising up and claiming the throne. However, Jonathan clearly trusted God’s plan and for David to do the right thing! He was willing to become vulnerable because he deeply trusted David. Similarly, we need to have people in our lives we can trust. We need to surround ourselves with people with whom we can be vulnerable. We all need people in our lives who can help us with our struggles, our temptations, and our problems. We need friends who will allow us to figuratively strip ourselves down, lay ourselves bear, and be showered with love, support, and encouragement instead of judgment.
Their friendship was made possible because of love.
According to 1 Samuel 18:1, 3, “Jonathan loved David as his own soul”. This love wasn’t just spoken through words; it was demonstrated through action. Jonathan was repeatedly willing to sacrifice and put his own life on the line to support his friend. Likewise, David greatly loved Jonathan. He mourned him after his death (see 2 Samuel 1). On one occasion, David even sought out one of Jonathan’s heirs that he might show him “kindness for Jonathan's sake“ (2 Samuel 9:1 ESV). Unfortunately, some mistakingly see a homosexual relationship in these verses. Some people just can’t understand how two men can love each other without sex being involved. Their love wasn’t erotic; it was a deep brotherly love for one another that moved them to help each other grow closer to God. On one specific occasion, the Bible says Jonathan helped David because he “strengthened his hand in God” (1 Samuel 23:16 ESV). That’s what true love does; that’s what true friendship does! We need friends who will love us unconditionally and push us closer to God. As Solomon said, “As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend” (Proverbs 27:17 NKJV).
As we step away from this great friendship, I can’t help but think about the words of the famed golfer Tiger Woods. He has attained greatness on the golf course, but his life off the course has been a series of self-inflicted tragedies. He was once asked if he had any close friends. He replied, "I have several acquaintances." That’s truly no way to live life! We need friendships. As a matter of fact, we have been made for friendships, and we are each made by the friendships we choose. The people we are and can become is largely dependent upon the friendships we forge in this life. So let David and Jonathan’s bond be an example to you today. Work on those relationships in your life. Work hard at being a good friend, and invest in building Christ-centered friendships with others. Your life will be blessed in more ways than you could ever imagine!